Quo Vadis: A Narrative of the Time of Nero Read online

  Chapter XXXIX

  Unsus was taking water from a cistern, and while drawing up a doubleamphora, with a rope, was singing a strange Lygian song in an undertone,looking meanwhile with delighted eyes at Lygia and Vinicius, who, amongthe cypresses in Linus's garden, seemed as white as two statues. Theirclothing was not moved by the least breeze. A golden and lily-coloredtwilight was sinking on the world while they were conversing in the calmof evening, each holding the other by the hand.

  "May not some evil meet thee, Marcus, because thou hast left Antiumwithout Caesar's knowledge?" asked Lygia.

  "No, my dear," answered Vinicius. "Caesar announced that he would shuthimself in for two days with Terpnos, and compose new songs. He actsthus frequently, and at such times neither knows nor remembers aughtelse. Moreover, what is Caesar to me since I am near thee and am lookingat thee? I have yearned too much already, and these last nights sleephas left me. More than once, when I dozed from weariness, I woke on asudden, with a feeling that danger was hanging over thee; at times Idreamed that the relays of horses which were to bear me from Antium toRome were stolen,--horses with which I passed that road more swiftlythan any of Caesar's couriers. Besides, I could not live longer withoutthee; I love thee too much for that, my dearest."

  "I knew that thou wert coming. Twice Ursus ran out, at my request, tothe Carinae, and inquired for thee at thy house. Linus laughed at me, andUrsus also."

  It was, indeed, evident that she had expected him; for instead of herusual dark dress, she wore a soft white stola, out of whose beautifulfolds her arms and head emerged like primroses out of snow. A few ruddyanemones ornamented her hair.

  Vinicius pressed his lips to her hands; then they sat on the stone benchamidst wild grapevines, and inclining toward each other, were silent,looking at the twilight whose last gleams were reflected in their eyes.

  The charm of the quiet evening mastered them completely.

  "How calm it is here, and how beautiful the world is," said Vinicius,in a lowered voice. "The night is wonderfully still. I feel happier thanever in life before. Tell me, Lygia, what is this? Never have I thoughtthat there could be such love. I thought that love was merely firein the blood and desire; but now for the first time I see that it ispossible to love with every drop of one's blood and every breath, andfeel therewith such sweet and immeasurable calm as if Sleep and Deathhad put the soul to rest. For me this is something new. I look on thiscalmness of the trees, and it seems to be within me. Now I understandfor the first time that there may be happiness of which people have notknown thus far. Now I begin to understand why thou and Pomponia Graecinahave such peace. Yes! Christ gives it."

  At that moment Lygia placed her beautiful face on his shoulderand said,--"My dear Marcus--" But she was unable to continue. Joy,gratitude, and the feeling that at last she was free to love deprivedher of voice, and her eyes were filled with tears of emotion.

  Vinicius, embracing her slender form with his arm, drew her toward himand said,--"Lygia! May the moment be blessed in which I heard His namefor the first time."

  "I love thee, Marcus," said she then in a low voice.

  Both were silent again, unable to bring words from their overchargedbreasts. The last lily reflections had died on the cypresses, and thegarden began to be silver-like from the crescent of the moon. After awhile Vinicius said,

  "I know. Barely had I entered here, barely had I kissed thy dear hands,when I read in thy eyes the question whether I had received the divinedoctrine to which thou art attached, and whether I was baptized. No, Iam not baptized yet; but knowest thou, my flower, why? Paul said to me:'I have convinced thee that God came into the world and gave Himself tobe crucified for its salvation; but let Peter wash thee in the fountainof grace, he who first stretched his hands over thee and blessed thee.'And I, my dearest, wish thee to witness my baptism, and I wish Pomponiato be my godmother. This is why I am not baptized yet, though I believein the Saviour and in his teaching. Paul has convinced me, has convertedme; and could it be otherwise? How was I not to believe that Christ cameinto the world, since he, who was His disciple, says so, and Paul, towhom He appeared? How was I not to believe that He was God, since Herose from the dead? Others saw Him in the city and on the lake and onthe mountain; people saw Him whose lips have not known a lie. I beganto believe this the first time I heard Peter in Ostrianum, for I said tomyself even then: In the whole world any other man might lie rather thanthis one who says, 'I saw.' But I feared thy religion. It seemed tome that thy religion would take thee from me. I thought that there wasneither wisdom nor beauty nor happiness in it. But to-day, when I knowit, what kind of man should I be were I not to wish truth to rule theworld instead of falsehood, love instead of hatred, virtue insteadof crime, faithfulness instead of unfaithfulness, mercy instead ofvengeance? What sort of man would he be who would not choose and wishthe same? But your religion teaches this. Others desire justice also;but thy religion is the only one which makes man's heart just, andbesides makes it pure, like thine and Pomponia's, makes it faithful,like thine and Pomponia's. I should be blind were I not to see this. Butif in addition Christ God has promised eternal life, and has promisedhappiness as immeasurable as the all-might of God can give, what morecan one wish? Were I to ask Seneca why he enjoins virtue, if wickednessbrings more happiness, he would not be able to say anything sensible.But I know now that I ought to be virtuous, because virtue and love flowfrom Christ, and because, when death closes my eyes, I shall find lifeand happiness, I shall find myself and thee. Why not love and accept areligion which both speaks the truth and destroys death? Who wouldnot prefer good to evil? I thought thy religion opposed to happiness;meanwhile Paul has convinced me that not only does it not take away, butthat it gives. All this hardly finds a place in my head; but I feel thatit is true, for I have never been so happy, neither could I be, had Itaken thee by force and possessed thee in my house. Just see, thou hastsaid a moment since, 'I love thee,' and I could not have won these wordsfrom thy lips with all the might of Rome. O Lygia! Reason declares thisreligion divine, and the best; the heart feels it, and who can resisttwo such forces?"

  Lygia listened, fixing on him her blue eyes, which in the light of themoon were like mystic flowers, and bedewed like flowers.

  "Yes, Marcus, that is true!" said she, nestling her head more closely tohis shoulder.

  And at that moment they felt immensely happy, for they understoodthat besides love they were united by another power, at once sweetand irresistible, by which love itself becomes endless, not subject tochange, deceit, treason, or even death. Their hearts were filled withperfect certainty that, no matter what might happen, they would notcease to love and belong to each other. For that reason an unspeakablerepose flowed in on their souls. Vinicius felt, besides, that that lovewas not merely profound and pure, but altogether new,--such as the worldhad not known and could not give. In his head all was combined in thislove,--Lygia, the teaching of Christ, the light of the moon restingcalmly on the cypresses, and the still night,--so that to him the wholeuniverse seemed filled with it.

  After a while he said with a lowered and quivering voice: "Thou wilt bethe soul of my soul, and the dearest in the world to me. Our hearts willbeat together, we shall have one prayer and one gratitude to Christ. Omy dear! To live together, to honor together the sweet God, and to knowthat when death comes our eyes will open again, as after a pleasantsleep, to a new light,--what better could be imagined? I only marvelthat I did not understand this at first. And knowest thou what occursto me now? That no one can resist this religion. In two hundred orthree hundred years the whole world will accept it. People will forgetJupiter, and there will be no God except Christ, and no other templesbut Christian. Who would not wish his own happiness? Ah! but I heardPaul's conversation with Petronius and dost thou know what Petroniussaid at the end? 'That is not for me'; but he could give no otheranswer."

  "Repeat Paul's words to me," said Lygia.

  "It was at my house one evening. Petronius began to speak playfully andto b
anter, as he does usually, whereupon Paul said to him: 'How canstthou deny, O wise Petronius, that Christ existed and rose from the dead,since thou wert not in the world at that time, but Peter and John sawHim, and I saw Him on the road to Damascus? Let thy wisdom show, firstof all, then, that we are liars, and then only deny our testimony.'Petronius answered that he had no thought of denying, for he knewthat many incomprehensible things were done, which trustworthy peopleaffirmed. 'But the discovery of some new foreign god is one thing,' saidhe, 'and the reception of his teaching another. I have no wish to knowanything which may deform life and mar its beauty. Never mind whetherour gods are true or not; they are beautiful, their rule is pleasant forus, and we live without care.' 'Thou art willing to reject the religionof love, justice, and mercy through dread of the cares of life,' repliedPaul; 'but think, Petronius, is thy life really free from anxieties?Behold, neither thou nor any man among the richest and most powerfulknows when he falls asleep at night that he may not wake to a deathsentence. But tell me, if Caesar professed this religion, which enjoinslove and justice, would not thy happiness be more assured? Thou artalarmed about thy delight, but would not life be more joyous then? As tolife's beauty and ornaments, if ye have reared so many beautiful templesand statues to evil, revengeful, adulterous, and faithless divinities,what would ye not do in honor of one God of truth and mercy? Thou artready to praise thy lot, because thou art wealthy and living in luxury;but it was possible even in thy case to be poor and deserted, thoughcoming of a great house, and then in truth it would have been better forthee if people confessed Christ. In Rome even wealthy parents, unwillingto toil at rearing children, cast them out of the house frequently;those children are called alumni. And chance might have made theean alumnus, like one of those. But if parents live according to ourreligion, this cannot happen. And hadst thou, at manhood's years,married a woman of thy love, thy wish would be to see her faithful tilldeath. Meanwhile look around, what happens among you, what vileness,what shame, what bartering in the faith of wives! Nay, ye yourselves areastonished when a woman appears whom ye call "univira" (of one husband).But I tell thee that those women who carry Christ in their hearts willnot break faith with their husbands, just as Christian husbands willkeep faith with their wives. But ye are neither sure of rulers norfathers nor wives nor children nor servants. The whole world istrembling before you, and ye are trembling before your own slaves, forye know that any hour may raise an awful war against your oppression,such a war as has been raised more than once. Though rich, thou artnot sure that the command may not come to thee to-morrow to leave thywealth; thou art young, but to-morrow it may be necessary for thee todie. Thou lovest, but treason is in wait for thee; thou art enamoured ofvillas and statues, but to-morrow power may thrust thee forth into theempty places of the Pandataria; thou hast thousands of servants, butto-morrow these servants may let thy blood flow. And if that be thecase, how canst thou be calm and happy, how canst thou live in delight?But I proclaim love, and I proclaim a religion which commands rulers tolove their subjects, masters their slaves, slaves to serve with love, todo justice and be merciful; and at last it promises happiness boundlessas a sea without end. How, then, Petronius, canst thou say that thatreligion spoils life, since it corrects, and since thou thyself wouldstbe a hundred times happier and more secure were it to embrace the worldas Rome's dominion has embraced it?'

  "Thus discussed Paul, and then Petronius said, 'That is not for me.'Feigning drowsiness, he went out, and when going added: 'I prefer myEunice, O little Jew, but I should not wish to struggle with thee on theplatform.' I listened to Paul's words with my whole soul, and when hespoke of our women, I magnified with all my heart that religion fromwhich thou hast sprung as a lily from a rich field in springtime. AndI thought then: There is Poppaea, who cast aside two husbands for Nero,there is Calvia Crispinilla, there is Nigidia, there are almost all whomI know, save only Pomponia; they trafficked with faith and with oaths,but she and my own one will not desert, will not deceive, and will notquench the fire, even though all in whom I place trust should desert anddeceive me. Hence I said to thee in my soul, How can I show gratitude tothee, if not with love and honor? Didst thou feel that in Antium I spokeand conversed with thee all the time as if thou hadst been at my side? Ilove thee a hundred times more for having escaped me from Caesar's house.Neither do I care for Caesar's house any longer; I wish not its luxuryand music, I wish only thee. Say a word, we will leave Rome to settlesomewhere at a distance."

  Without removing her head from his shoulder, Lygia, as ifmeditating, raised her eyes to the silver tops of the cypresses, andanswered,--"Very well, Marcus. Thou hast written to me of Sicily, whereAulus wishes to settle in old age." And Vinieius interrupted her withdelight.

  "True, my dear! Our lands are adjacent. That is a wonderful coast,where the climate is sweeter and the nights still brighter than in Rome,odoriferous and transparent. There life and happiness are almost one andthe same."

  And he began then to dream of the future.

  "There we may forget anxieties. In groves, among olive-trees, we shallwalk and rest in the shade. O Lygia! what a life to love and cherisheach other, to look at the sea together, to look at the sky together, tohonor together a kind God, to do in peace what is just and true."

  Both were silent, looking into the future; only he drew her more firmlytoward him, and the knight's ring on his finger glittered meanwhile inthe rays of the moon. In the part occupied by the poor toiling people,all were sleeping; no murmur broke the silence.

  "Wilt thou permit me to see Pomponia?" asked Lygia.

  "Yes, dear one. We will invite them to our house, or go to themourselves. If thou wish, we can take Peter the Apostle. He is boweddown with age and work. Paul will visit us also,--he will convert AulusPlautius; and as soldiers found colonies in distant lands, so we willfound a colony of Christians."

  Lygia raised her hand and, taking his palm, wished to press it to herlips; but he whispered, as if fearing to frighten happiness,--"No,Lygia, no! It is I who honor thee and exalt thee; give me thy hands."

  "I love thee."

  He had pressed his lips to her hands, white as jessamine, and for atime they heard only the beating of their own hearts. There was not theslightest movement in the air; the cypresses stood as motionless as ifthey too were holding breath in their breasts.

  All at once the silence was broken by an unexpected thunder, deep, andas if coming from under the earth. A shiver ran through Lygia's body.Vinicius stood up, and said,--"Lions are roaring in the vivarium."

  Both began to listen. Now the first thunder was answered by a second,a third, a tenth, from all sides and divisions of the city. In Romeseveral thousand lions were quartered at times in various arenas, andfrequently in the night-time they approached the grating, and, leaningtheir gigantic heads against it, gave utterance to their yearning forfreedom and the desert. Thus they began on this occasion, and, answeringone another in the stillness of night, they filled the whole city withroaring. There was something so indescribably gloomy and terrible inthose roars that Lygia, whose bright and calm visions of the future werescattered, listened with a straitened heart and with wonderful fear andsadness.

  But Vinicius encircled her with his arm, and said,--"Fear not, dear one.The games are at hand, and all the vivaria are crowded."

  Then both entered the house of Linus, accompanied by the thunder oflions, growing louder and louder.