Quo Vadis: A Narrative of the Time of Nero Read online

  Chapter XXIII

  A PIERCING pain roused Vinicius. At the first moment he could notunderstand where he was, nor what was happening. He felt a roaring inhis head, and his eyes were covered as if with mist. Gradually, however,his consciousness returned, and at last he beheld through that mistthree persons bending over him. Two he recognized: one was Ursus, theother the old man whom he had thrust aside when carrying off Lygia. Thethird, an utter stranger, was holding his left arm, and feeling it fromthe elbow upward as far as the shoulder-blade. This caused so terriblea pain that Vinicius, thinking it a kind of revenge which they weretaking, said through his set teeth, "Kill me!" But they paid no apparentheed to his words, just as though they heard them not, or consideredthem the usual groans of suffering. Ursus, with his anxious and alsothreatening face of a barbarian, held a bundle of white cloth torn inlong strips. The old man spoke to the person who was pressing the arm ofVinicius,--"Glaucus, art thou certain that the wound in the head is notmortal?"

  "Yes, worthy Crispus," answered Glaucus. "While serving in the fleet asa slave, and afterward while living at Naples, I cured many wounds, andwith the pay which came to me from that occupation I freed myself and myrelatives at last. The wound in the head is slight. When this one [herehe pointed to Ursus with his head] took the girl from the young man,he pushed him against the wall; the young man while falling put out hisarm, evidently to save himself; he broke and disjointed it, but by sodoing saved his head and his life."

  "Thou hast had more than one of the brotherhood in thy care," addedCrispus, "and hast the repute of a skilful physician; therefore I sentUrsus to bring thee."

  "Ursus, who on the road confessed that yesterday he was ready to killme!"

  "He confessed his intention earlier to me than to thee; but I, who knowthee and thy love for Christ, explained to him that the traitor is notthou, but the unknown, who tried to persuade him to murder."

  "That was an evil spirit, but I took him for an angel," said Ursus, witha sigh.

  "Some other time thou wilt tell me, but now we must think of thiswounded man." Thus speaking, he began to set the arm. Though Crispussprinkled water on his face, Vinicius fainted repeatedly from suffering;that was, however, a fortunate circumstance, since he did not feel thepain of putting his arm into joint, nor of setting it. Glaucus fixed thelimb between two strips of wood, which he bound quickly and firmly, soas to keep the arm motionless. When the operation was over, Viniciusrecovered consciousness again and saw Lygia above him. She stood thereat the bed holding a brass basin with water, in which from time to timeGlaucus dipped a sponge and moistened the head of his patient.

  Vinicius gazed and could not believe his eyes. What he saw seemed adream, or the pleasant vision brought by fever, and only after a longtime could he whisper,--"Lygia!"

  The basin trembled in her hand at that sound, but she turned on him eyesfull of sadness.

  "Peace be with thee!" answered she, in a low voice.

  She stood there with extended arms, her face full of pity and sorrow.But he gazed, as if to fill his sight with her, so that after his lidswere closed the picture might remain under them. He looked at her face,paler and smaller than it had been, at the tresses of dark hair, at thepoor dress of a laboring woman; he looked so intently that her snowyforehead began to grow rose-colored under the influence of his look. Andfirst he thought that he would love her always; and second, that thatpaleness of hers and that poverty were his work,--that it was he who haddriven her from a house where she was loved, and surrounded with plentyand comfort, and thrust her into that squalid room, and clothed her inthat poor robe of dark wool.

  He would have arrayed her in the costliest brocade, in all the jewels ofthe earth; hence astonishment, alarm, and pity seized him, and sorrow sogreat that he would have fallen at her feet had he been able to move.

  "Lygia," said he, "thou didst not permit my death."

  "May God return health to thee," she answered, with sweetness.

  For Vinicius, who had a feeling both of those wrongs which he hadinflicted on her formerly, and those which he had wished to inflict onher recently, there was a real balsam in Lygia's words. He forgot at themoment that through her mouth Christian teaching might speak; he feltonly that a beloved woman was speaking, and that in her answer there wasa special tenderness, a goodness simply preterhuman, which shook him tothe depth of his soul. As just before he had grown weak from pain, sonow he grew weak from emotion. A certain faintness came on him, at onceimmense and agreeable. He felt as if falling into some abyss, but hefelt that to fall was pleasant, and that he was happy. He thought atthat moment of weakness that a divinity was standing above him.

  Meanwhile Glaucus had finished washing the wound in his head, and hadapplied a healing ointment. Ursus took the brass basin from Lygia'shands; she brought a cup of water and wine which stood ready on thetable, and put it to the wounded man's lips. Vinicius drank eagerly, andfelt great relief. After the operation the pain had almost passed; thewound and contusion began to grow firm; perfect consciousness returnedto him.

  "Give me another drink," said he.

  Lygia took the empty cup to the next room; meanwhile Crispus, after afew words with Glaucus, approached the bed saying,--

  "God has not permitted thee, Vinicius, to accomplish an evil deed, andhas preserved thee in life so that thou shouldst come to thy mind. He,before whom man is but dust, delivered thee defenceless into our hands;but Christ, in whom we believe, commanded us to love even our enemies.Therefore we have dressed thy wounds, and, as Lygia has said, we willimplore God to restore thy health, but we cannot watch over thee longer.Be in peace, then, and think whether it beseems thee to continue thypursuit of Lygia. Thou hast deprived her of guardians, and us of a roof,though we return thee good for evil."

  "Do ye wish to leave me? inquired Vinicius.

  "We wish to leave this house, in which prosecution by the prefect ofthe city may reach us. Thy companion was killed; thou, who art powerfulamong thy own people, art wounded. This did not happen through ourfault, but the anger of the law might fall on us."

  "Have no fear of prosecution," replied Vinicius; "I will protect you."

  Crispus did not like to tell him that with them it was not only aquestion of the prefect and the police, but of him; they wished tosecure Lygia from his further pursuit.

  "Lord," said he, "thy right arm is well. Here are tablets and a stilus;write to thy servants to bring a litter this evening and bear thee tothy own house, where thou wilt have more comfort than in our poverty.We dwell here with a poor widow, who will return soon with her son,and this youth will take thy letter; as to us, we must all find anotherhiding-place."

  Vinicius grew pale, for he understood that they wished to separate himfrom Lygia, and that if he lost her now he might never see her in lifeagain. He knew indeed that things of great import had come between himand her, in virtue of which, if he wished to possess her, he mustseek some new methods which he had not had time yet to think over.He understood too that whatever he might tell these people, though heshould swear that he would return Lygia to Pomponia Graecina, they wouldnot believe him, and were justified in refusing belief. Moreover, hemight have done that before. Instead of hunting for Lygia, he might havegone to Pomponia and sworn to her that he renounced pursuit, and in thatcase Pomponia herself would have found Lygia and brought her home. No;he felt that such promises would not restrain them, and no solemn oathwould be received, the more since, not being a Christian, he could swearonly by the immortal gods, in whom he did not himself believe greatly,and whom they considered evil spirits.

  He desired desperately to influence Lygia and her guardians in some way,but for that there was need of time. For him it was all-important to seeher, to look at her for a few days even. As every fragment of a plankor an oar seems salvation to a drowning man, so to him it seemed thatduring those few days he might say something to bring him nearer toher, that he might think out something, that something favorable mighthappen. Hence he collected his thoughts and
said,--

  "Listen to me, Christians. Yesterday I was with you in Ostrianum, andI heard your teaching; but though I did not know it, your deeds haveconvinced me that you are honest and good people. Tell that widow whooccupies this house to stay in it, stay in it yourselves, and let mestay. Let this man [here he turned to Glaucus], who is a physician, orat least understands the care of wounds, tell whether it is possible tocarry me from here to-day. I am sick, I have a broken arm, which mustremain immovable for a few days even; therefore I declare to you that Iwill not leave this house unless you bear me hence by force!"

  Here he stopped, for breath failed in his breast, and Crispus said,--"Wewill use no force against thee, lord; we will only take away our ownheads."

  At this the young man, unused to resistance, frowned and said,--"Permitme to recover breath"; and after a time he began again to speak,--"OfCroton, whom Ursus killed, no one will inquire. He had to go to-dayto Beneventum, whither he was summoned by Vatinius, therefore all willthink that he has gone there. When I entered this house in company withCroton, no one saw us except a Greek who was with us in Ostrianum. Iwill indicate to you his lodgings; bring that man to me. On him I willenjoin silence; he is paid by me. I will send a letter to my own housestating that I too went to Beneventum. If the Greek has informed theprefect already, I will declare that I myself killed Croton, and that itwas he who broke my arm. I will do this, by my father's shade and by mymother's! Ye may remain in safety here; not a hair will fall from thehead of one of you. Bring hither, and bring in haste, the Greek whosename is Chilo Chilonides!"

  "Then Glaucus will remain with thee," said Crispus, "and the widow willnurse thee."

  "Consider, old man, what I say," said Vinicius, who frowned still more."I owe thee gratitude, and thou seemest good and honest; but thou dostnot tell me what thou hast in the bottom of thy soul. Thou art afraidlest I summon my slaves and command them to take Lygia. Is this true?"

  "It is," said Crispus, with sternness.

  "Then remember this, I shall speak before all to Chilo, and write aletter home that I have gone to Beneventum. I shall have no messengershereafter but you. Remember this, and do not irritate me longer."

  Here he was indignant, and his face was contorted with anger. Afterwardhe began to speak excitedly,--

  "Hast thou thought that I would deny that I wish to stay here to seeher? A fool would have divined that, even had I denied it. But I willnot try to take her by force any longer. I will tell thee more: if shewill not stay here, I will tear the bandages with this sound hand frommy arm, will take neither food nor drink; let my death fall on thee andthy brethren. Why hast thou nursed me? Why hast thou not commanded tokill me?" He grew pale from weakness and anger.

  Lygia, who had heard all from the other room and who was certain thatVinicius would do what he promised, was terrified. She would nothave him die for anything. Wounded and defenceless, he roused in hercompassion, not fear. Living from the time of her flight among people incontinual religious enthusiasm, thinking only of sacrifices, offerings,and boundless charity, she had grown so excited herself through thatnew inspiration, that for her it took the place of house, family, losthappiness, and made her one of those Christian maidens who, later on,changed the former soul of the world. Vinicius had been too importantin her fate, had been thrust too much on her, to let her forget him. Shehad thought of him whole days, and more than once had begged God for themoment in which, following the inspiration of religion, she might returngood for his evil, mercy for his persecution, break him, win him toChrist, save him. And now it seemed to her that precisely that momenthad come, and that her prayers had been heard.

  She approached Crispus therefore with a face as if inspired, andaddressed him as though some other voice spoke through her,--"Let himstay among us, Crispus, and we will stay with him till Christ gives himhealth."

  The old presbyter, accustomed to seek in all things the inspiration ofGod, beholding her exaltation, thought at once that perhaps a higherpower was speaking through her, and, fearing in his heart, he bent hisgray head, saying,--"Let it be as thou sayest."

  On Vinicius, who the whole time had not taken his eyes from her,this ready obedience of Crispus produced a wonderful and pervadingimpression. It seemed to him that among the Christians Lygia was a kindof sibyl or priestess whom they surrounded with obedience and honor;and he yielded himself also to that honor. To the love which he feltwas joined now a certain awe, in presence of which love itself becamesomething almost insolent. He could not familiarize himself, however,with the thought that their relations had changed: that now not she wasdependent on his will, but he on hers; that he was lying there sick andbroken; that he had ceased to be an attacking, a conquering force;that he was like a defenceless child in her care. For his proud andcommanding nature such relations with any other person would have beenhumiliating; now, however, not only did he not feel humiliated, buthe was thankful to her as to his sovereign. In him those were feelingsunheard-of, feelings which he could not have entertained the day before,and which would have amazed him even on that day had he been able toanalyze them clearly. But he did not inquire at the moment why it wasso, just as if the position had been perfectly natural; he merely felthappy because he remained there.

  And he wished to thank her with gratefulness, and still with a kind offeeling unknown to him in such a degree that he knew not what tocall it, for it was simply submission. His previous excitement had soexhausted him that he could not speak, and he thanked her only with hiseyes, which were gleaming from delight because he remained near her, andwould be able to see her--to-morrow, next day, perhaps a long time. Thatdelight was diminished only by the dread that he might lose what he hadgained. So great was this dread that when Lygia gave him water a secondtime, and the wish seized him to take her hand, he feared to do so. Hefeared!--he, that Vinicius who at Caesar's feast had kissed her lipsin spite of her! he, that Vinicius who after her flight had promisedhimself to drag her by the hair to the cubiculum, or give command toflog her!